I’m Happy to Just Get On Base…

I’m Happy to Just Get On Base…

My conscious was telling me to post it over the Easter weekend. I didn’t. It wasn’t in line with my plans for what I was writing. I even wrote a note on the top of the 1st page to just send it to my Dad. Let him read it and decide to post or not. Like it was meant for him to read. It was just an odd feeling and weird.

After writing those 5 pages, I ignored them. I didn’t send it to my Dad. I didn’t post it for fear of being seen as a bible thumping convict that came to prison to be saved. I’m not! I despise people that do that. I don’t know why–it just really bothers me for some reason. Like saying a single prayer somehow saves them from judgement and condemnation for the harm they caused. Sorry, not for me.

I’m more the suffer for what you’ve done–and Do The Work to change type. No free rides. No pain, no gain. I do believe in second chances. They must be earned. I’ve also been the recipient of unwarranted kindness, understanding, forgiveness, and generosity in my life. I will always remember the impact those gestures and people had on me. I would never want to do or say anything that would keep someone from giving a second chance to those people who truly want to make the most of it.

Along with this inner battle to post–or not post, another strong feeling set in. I was to openly state that I’m not smart enough to learn all I’ve learned on my own. There’s a part of all this I simply can’t explain. Kind of like I wouldn’t be where I am in my journey without God. It’s true. There, I’ve said it.

I’ve written a lot about all the “things” I’ve learned. I’ve benefited from the lessons I’ve gone through. I’m proud of that. Applying what I’ve been taught has helped me be extremely grateful for all I have. I am being productive, finding success, and I’m happy.

Thank you God! Paying homage to Dr. Phil, “it’s working for me”… point is, to take all the credit simply is not honest or fair.

My Dad has gone above and beyond in his dedication to support me in a better life. All the hard work and time he’s invested in creating this platform from my request has allowed me to get one foot out the door. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m building a solid foundation for when both feet land out there. Soon I’ll be taking steps (BIG STEPS) away from prison. Hell, I just might run. Whatever I do, I certainly won’t look back!

Teaming up with my Dad on this project has been a bonding process as well. I’ve missed out on living my adult life with him (with the exception of 4 years). Any chance to be involved in each other’s lives is a good thing. I’ve made promises to my parents and children too. He believes in me. His help has been a tool. I can use it now to start fulfilling those promises.

I’m sure you can imagine the feeling you would have if your actions took you away from the people you love. Imagine not seeing your children for 10 going on 11 years. Not hugging them or looking into their eyes. Not being able to see them grow tall–or up. Always being afraid of something happening to your parents while you are in prison. God forbid something happening to your children. It’s a horrible feeling I live with every day.

I already told you a little about my struggle and comfort in posting this. I’ve shared my feelings involving my family, the loss of time with them and the fear of losing them while I’m in prison. Hopefully, I can explain better how this all ties in together. One of the deciding factors in my choice to go ahead with posting this was my Dad had another stroke or “mini” stroke. Whatever it was, it could have easily killed him. It’s not his first and as stressful as his life is, it may not be his last!

Remember I had this feeling the Friday before easter to write and post this “God” writing. I did write it. I never posted it. I had the feeling it was meant for my Dad to read and decide to post or not. I never sent it to him. I had the feeling something bad would happen if I didn’t do it. I ignored it.

I didn’t try to call my Dad until about a week after Easter. When I called, there was no answer. This went on for several days. I started thinking something might have happened. I called my Mom to ask her if she had heard anything from my Dad and that’s when she told me about his stroke. All small details, but they really got me thinking.

I had just written this 5-page dissertation about God & Jesus. It’s all about listening to your gut feelings, how that faith will determine the judgement you will receive. You won’t be judged on your knowledge, but the action you take when called on. It speaks on the afterlife and our universal purpose to God in this life. Fear and comfort are in there too. All crazy sh*t, right?

Coincidence? I don’t know. I’ve been a non-believer since the day I was arrested in 2012. There have been things happening in my life that have been bringing me back around. I know I don’t want to toy with all this or test it. My personal battle is still ongoing. I have begun to pray again. I mostly give thanks. No harm there. I’m defiantly not going to dismiss things I’ll never fully understand. Until it’s my time to understand them, I think I’ll continue to tune into that sense!

I don’t want to lose out on an opportunity to have time with my loved ones in an afterlife–if there truly is one. Especially after all this time away from them in this life. It’s really wild how life works sometimes. Here I had this feeling something bad was going to happen, it did, and now there may be an underlying blessing in it all. Trusting your gut doesn’t take a lot of effort. It just takes faith in a little good–and taking some action.

Are you wondering where this 5-page dissertation is? Yeah, I’m still battling that part. I hope what I’ve shared will appease the higher powers. If God was looking for a grand slam home run, there are batters with much higher averages than mine. I’m happy to just get on base.

Thanks for reading,

Mike

5/5/2022