Mom, It’s Time I Answered Your Questions…

Mom… The Detailed Answers You Deserve

Thank you for your comment. We’ve had this conversation in general terms, but you deserve a detailed answer to your questions. I want to answer you on this platform so other people may benefit by reading.

Your question was, “when I’m up against negative situations, what tools do I use to not impulsively react in a way that sets me back”?  You also asked, “what tools will I use to de-escalate the situation to avoid negative consequences” when I’m in society?

In addressing both questions, the most effective tool I use has been to detach emotionally from any confrontation. Some other tools I use are to evaluate the severity of the situation, take a deep breath, ask questions, listen, and think. I’ve learned to use these techniques by analyzing my past actions in situations that I wished I would have handled differently.

Time and time again, one common factor I’ve seen that affects people’s ability (my own included) to deal with conflict has been emotions. Emotion fuels my impulses, actions, and reactions. The way I feel in any single moment, can have a huge impact on the end result of those “situations”.

I automatically detach emotionally so I can properly evaluate what I’m dealing with. I determine whether the issue is life threatening, urgent, or just a problem. I then take a deep breath and let all parties know (even if it is just me) that we will resolve whatever issue is at hand. By separating myself from the confrontation, I can see the underlying issues clearly.

I’ve learned that asking questions, not taking things personal, and not worrying about being right, resolves about 99% of the issues I face. When I’m listening in confrontational situations I’m thinking. Listening is thinking. When I’m not emotional I can do both. I’ve promised a solution so I have to find it.

Most of the time, by letting others have the verbal right of way, they talk themselves right out of an intense situation. Venting verbally can drastically reduce the impulse to react physically. When you’re speaking, you are thinking too. Thinking is where all solutions reside.

Before I offer a solution, I use a tool you taught me as well. Yes, that’s right Mom, I actually use a tool you taught me! Treat others the way you would want to be treated. If I wouldn’t like or accept something, chances are the other person wouldn’t as well.

There are many tools that have helped me—but those have been the most effective in heated situations. Some other tools are to live a healthy life, take responsibility for how I’m feeling, and knowing when I need to remove myself from a situation.

I’ve set up plans for when I’m out of prison in dealing with the guilt I have for being away from my kids all these years. That guilt, along with my mental health issues, are the two major areas that will affect the way I feel about myself. I will definitely speak on mental health, guilt and emotions in more depth later. I just wanted to answer your questions for now.

Think about this too Mom. Society puts great value in obtaining a higher education to become a lawyer or a doctor (rightfully so). It takes 8 years to become a lawyer. It takes 13 years to become a doctor. You’ve seen first-hand the results of me doing “surgery” on my life without the proper education (using the act first, think later method).

I’ve been evaluating myself and studying human behaviors involving confrontation for 10+ years. I call it the “University of Hard Knocks”. I’ve majored in Dumb Ass 101. I’ve “figured out” a lot about myself and other people too. Every day, all day, I’m surrounded by the consequences of actions, reactions, and impulsiveness. Prison is a great classroom to study what NOT to do.

Today you are seeing the results of the “surgery” I’m doing after an education (applying the think first, act later method). I’ve suffered and been forced to live with the scars from my stupidity (rightfully so). I truly value my education. One who’s lost much, finds great value in and cherishes what’s left. The chance to live in society with my loved ones will be appreciated every day of my life!

Thanks for your love, and your support of all my goals Mom. You mean the world to me. Your question really had me thinking. I thank you for it. I love you very much.

Please Post your comments. They mean more than you can imagine.

Thanks for reading,

Mike

(4/24/22)